Better.I had a good family life, and up until only a few days ago, I would have said I wanted for nothing. But now with the potential in my grasp - with what I had experienced - I could admit that the lack of sex in our marriage was a problem. I could fix that.It wasn’t even as if we were having any issues! It was only out of misplaced concern for our daughter that we acted more conservatively than we would otherwise. It was a simple hang up that I could easily do away with.That night when Linda arrived home, I was resolute and prepared. I greeted my wife and made small talk, feeling more distant from her than I normally would - focused on my plans. I restrained myself from acting until after dinner, deciding to minimise any changes of behaviour until we were all ready to turn in for the night.Sitting on the couch in the living room after our meal, engaged in ‘family time’, felt like a chore to me for the first time in my life. I kept eyeing the clock on the wall, willing the hands. At this time fatherstarted ignoring brother and devoted more of his hours to me. Brotherwas often tired and in bed, complaining of all sorts of agonies that Imyself had never experienced.His frequent times being bedridden resulted in him thinning out evenmore, in most places. As a direct cause of him not feeling well enoughto get out of bed, one which he and I shared, father rarely got theopportunity to cut his hair short as he did with mine. Brother howeverdid not complain, he one night told me in secrecy that he even preferredhaving hair that touched his neck! I saw that my brother was in agonyand would spend much time with him, helping him with tasks he had oncebeen the one helping me with. Father feared that brother would not liveto reach adult age, deciding that it was more valuable to have hisstronger son, me, receiving such schooling. Brother did not object this,he himself started preparing for a life cut short by the lord'smysterious ways. At nights he would lie crying over.
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